Seventeen
{Author, Candice Landis}
©2012
What Did I Know At Seventeen
All I Had Was A Dream
A Home Where I Wasn't Abused And Misused
A Place Whrere My Love Was Not Refused
He Was Twenty Five With A House And A Job
He Saw My Dad Beat Me, On His Shoulder I Sobbed
He Said He Came From Same Background As Me
He Understood, Said Together We Could Be Happy
So I Left Home And We Got Married
Soon We Had Our Very Own Baby
Followed By Another When I Was Nineteen
A Family Of My Own Filled With Love, I Was Happy
The Years Passed And Things Were Great
Then Ever So Slowly We Slipped Into Financial Strain
Credit Card Bills Our Bank Account Drained
Every Day We'd Fight And Eachother Blame
I Would Get Jobs Off And On To Help
But We Kept Sinking In A Bottomless Well
Eventually We Had To Mortgage The House
Soon I Felt I No Longer Knew My Spouse
He Would Yell, Call Me Names
He Even Started To Hit Me Now And Again
I Repeatedly Asked If We Could Get Help, Our Marriage Needed Saved
He Told Me We Were Fine, But I Felt Depraved
My Pleas For Attention And Time Together He Continued To Ignore
After Several Years Of This, I Just Didn't Care Anymore
I Began Spending Lots Of Time On Line Where People Liked Me More
I Got The Attention I Craved There, To Them I Was Not A Bore
Eventually I Met A Guy And Began To Have An Affair
My Spouse Seemed To Hate Me And I Didn't Care
This Went On Until My Dad Died And I Became Even More Unhappy
What Was I Gonna Do Without My Daddy?
I Had A Job And I Knew Of A Place With Free Rent
So I Packed Up The Kids And I Went
For Almost Two Years We Lived Apart
I Still Wasn't Happy, Still Lost In A Depression Deep And Dark
Then He Said There Were Decisions That Needed To Be Made
Were We Getting Divorced Or Staying Married?
He Was Having An Affair With A Married Woman At His Work
When I Learned That I Was Consumed With Jealousy And My Heart Hurt
A Few Months Before This I Had Ended My Affair
Finally Accepted There Was No Future There
So We Began To Discuss Reconciliation
I Still Had Love For Him And Was Not Ready For A Final Termination
So The Kids And I Moved Back In
He Said It Would Be Better Because Of My Working Contribution
I Was The Boss At My Job And Making Good Money
He Saw Our Paychecks Combined As The Land Of Milk And Honey
But He Was Still Seeing That Woman At Work And I Didn't Know
Then We Had A Bad Car Accident And To The Hospital We Both Had To Go
I Wonder At Times If God Did That Because Of The Seeds We Had Sewn
We Both Had More Than One Broken Bone, My Job Let Me Go
So Back To One Income We Went But I Had Money From My Dads Death
So I Used That To Support Us While We Healed Until Back To Work He Went
Then A Year And A Half Later We Recieved Money From The Wreck
With My Portion I Paid Off Our House And All Our Other Debt
It Seems As Soon As That Money Ran Out Though, Back To Miserable We Went
So Many Hurts In My Heart But 23 Years With This Man I Have Spent
So I've Decided To Try One Last Time And This Time I've Turned To Christ
What Will Be Will Be And I Trust Christ To Lead Me To What Is Right
My Husband Is Bi Polar Though You See
And Has An Axtreemly Abusive History
So It Presents Many Road Blocks For Me
But With Christs Help We Will Figure It Out,, I Believe